Sunday, November 8, 2015

October 12, 2015

I don't even know what to say. This week, as you well know, has probably been the hardest freaking week of my life! Which is saying something, because I have had some hard weeks in my 20 years. On Monday I had made up my mind to go home. It didn't matter what people said. I was going home. I was searching for the answer to go home in all of my reading and praying and just searching. And I found the answer to go home. But among the answer to go home was a quieter answer to stay. An answer that I needed to hold on for just one more week. And I think I got that answer because Heavenly Father knew that by the end of the week I would be okay, or at least be feeling better. Mom, Heavenly Father is aware of us. And sometimes we can't see it. And that is hard.

This week, I went on two different exchanges. (My companion is a STL: Sister Trainer Leader, ). And at the beginning of the exchanges, I thought: Why are you doing this to me, Heavenly Father? Why are you making me pack my bags for 24 hours and be with someone new when I am having a hard time just being with someone that I know! And you know what? That was exactly what I needed. I needed to go to a new area. The first time, I was able to go to the area with the temple. And I was able to go to the temple. Not inside, just be on temple grounds. There is something about the temple that is just different. There, we met one of the security guards who works there and wants to know just everything about the church. Absolutely everything. He showed me his Libro de Mormon and it was all marked up and written in. He saw the truth of it-just from a historical stand point and even a little on a spiritual stand point. He lived in the US for 16 years and talked to me in English about everything (he likes English more than Spanish-haha). And that opportunity helped me remember why I am here. It reminded me of the joy I feel when I talk about the gospel. 

For the second exchange I was able to be with an American Hermana and we talked in English a lot. I was able to talk about what I was feeling without worrying that she didn't understand what I was feeling. And that helped a lot. To be able to talk about my feelings in English and have the person understand it! With her, we were able to teach a family that we were not planning on teaching and that was cool. We had a member with us and the member was awesome. I needed her in my life this week. The exchanges were such a blessing for me. And now I realize that sometimes, it is those things that we think we cannot handle that end up being the best thing for us. In the short run, it was exchanges for me. In the long run, it is the mission.

So, as you can gather from my message so far, I am staying. And I know it is what I need to do. :)

Yesterday, I was fasting. And in Mexico we fast from lunch to lunch. So we started on Saturday. And by the time morning came around I was STARVING. Hungry enough that it reminded me of Trek. HAha. But anyway. As I was walking to church, I had a thought. Sometimes, the sacrament bread and water (however little it is) is the thing that makes fasting bearable and allows us to make it through. And that is the Atonement in our lives. The Atonement is what allows us to make it through the hard times. Even when you can't even see the difference that the Atonement is making in your life. It is what allows you, enables you, to make it through.

Love,
Hermana Blackham





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